


The Day He Said "I Love You"

by zetsubousei (popnographic)



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Post-Despair, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-26 05:32:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2639930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popnographic/pseuds/zetsubousei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto's patience is running out. Maybe Byakuya doesn't actually love him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Day He Said "I Love You"

Byakuya makes a disgusted noise as the woman on the TV screen in front of them declares for what feels like the millionth time that she can't possibly live without the man she's talking to. It's a Sunday afternoon and they're spending it by being lazy. Had it been two years earlier, this definitely wouldn't be how Byakuya would spend his afternoon, but Makoto's actually glad things had changed since they left Hope's Peak.

"Are you actually watching this sad excuse for a TV show?" Byakuya asks, and Makoto shrugs. "I wasn't really paying attention. You can change the channel if you want."

"Good. Give me the remote."

Makoto reaches over to the coffee table in front of them to grab the remote and give it to Byakuya who was laying behind him, being the "big spoon". He doesn't mind spending his Sundays like this since it's one of the two days of the week when they actually get to spend time together. During the week, Byakuya works in some office sorting out paperwork and other things Makoto hasn't really paid attention to whenever Byakuya's tried explaining it. What Makoto does for a living is easier to explain, since it's just working at the mini-mart down the road.

But instead of changing the channel, Byakuya turns the TV off and throws the remote back onto the coffee table. It slides to the very end, nearly falling off, and Makoto turns his head to look back at his boyfriend. "That was close. Would you have gotten up to get it if it'd fallen off?"

"Maybe", Byakuya replies, nuzzling his nose into Makoto's neck. He shivers, both because it's ticklish and because it arouses him. Makoto's ashamed of how easily Byakuya turns him on; it seems Byakuya doesn't have to do much anything for him to get in the mood, and sometimes it's incredibly frustrating since he's not in a position to do anything about it. Like when they're in public, and the tall blond decides to lean forward and whisper something into his ear.

Byakuya knows how easy it is to turn Makoto on, he knows that and he knows Byakuya loves teasing him about it. So when Byakuya starts rubbing up against him whilst kissing his neck, it doesn't surprise him — but it sure doesn't stop him from getting turned on, either.

"You seem bored", Makoto says amusedly whilst trying to fight the growing erection in his pants. He tries to play it off, but he knows it's failed and that there's no use in trying to sound like it doesn't affect him.

"I am", Byakuya replies in a low voice that vibrates against Makoto's back. "What, are you  _not_?"

Well, even if he lied, Byakuya would see right through it, so there really wasn't any point in trying. He exhales a shaky breath, realising his heartbeat has gone up quite a bit in just the blink of an eye. "Do you even have to ask? You know the answer to that question already."

He's stubborn; facing forward, trying to think about anything but Byakuya's incredible body hovering over him, Byakuya's kisses all over his body, their body temperatures mingling, blending together—

Ah, to hell with it.

Makoto turns around with a sullen look on his face, glaring at his boyfriend. "Why do I have to be so weak to your weird magic?"

"Magic?" Byakuya says through a laugh. "And how should I know, all I know is how to exploit your weakness."

Makoto's ticked off at his boyfriend's cockiness, but he's obviously also aroused. He climbs on top of Byakuya and puts his hands on the other's chest, leaning — almost lunging — forward and capturing his boyfriend's lips in a kiss. He feels Byakuya smiling against his lips, but it's short-lived as the other soon impatiently tries prying his lips open with his tongue.

"Y-you're— impatient", Makoto gasps between kisses, his face flushed red. His hands are hurriedly and clumsily unbuttoning Togami's shirt, whilst the other seems to have little to no problem with tugging down Makoto's pants despite his position.

"I could say the same for you."

Makoto stops Byakuya's hands, earning a confused look in response. "Wait, Byakuya. Let's... not do this here."

"Why?"

"We have a bedroom", Makoto reminds the other. "Besides, I thought you'd find that filthy."

Byakuya quirks an eyebrow, but the amused glint in his eye is hard to miss. "I'd find  _what_ filthy?"

Makoto pushes Byakuya down again. "Having sex on the couch, of course!"

"Ah. Well, you are probably right."

 _What an ass_ , Makoto thinks as they get up from the couch. And when he walks behind Byakuya into their bedroom, he once again thinks  _what an ass_ , but in a completely different way. That Super High School Level Luck title from his high school days probably did suit him, after all, having Byakuya Togami as his boyfriend. What more could he possibly ask for?

A while back, he probably would've protested wildly, but now as he was being shoved down onto the bed, Makoto doesn't protest. He enjoys it and he's not even ashamed of enjoying it. He likes Byakuya's rough side and is glad that part of him hasn't disappeared though most of his otherwise rough demeanour has smoothed out over the past year or so. Byakuya isn't teddy bear nice, but he's definitely gotten nice to the point where even Kyouko could be around him without wanting to strangle him.

Byakuya's soft kisses along his neck and collarbones leave Makoto lusting for more. He puts his hands on Byakuya's back, pulling him close, feeling their synced heartbeats. Byakuya lets out a sigh that sounds more like a moan before he plants his lips on Makoto's again.

When his boyfriend finally enters him and starts thrusting, he's happier than he ever could've been. They're closer like this than they were otherwise, connected in more ways than one. When Makoto comes, Byakuya's name is on his lips, and he's the happiest man on the face of the planet.

As he lies on his back, his chest heaving up and down from his deep breathing, he looks up at the ceiling. Byakuya grabs his hand, and all they do for a few minutes is listen to each other's breathing and the slight humming of the air conditioning in the room. They still have to do grocery shopping for tonight's dinner, so Makoto knows they have to get out of bed soon. But for now, all he wants to do is lie there and enjoy Byakuya's company. It's something he's had plenty of time doing in the past year they'd been dating, but he never gets tired of it.

"I love you."

It slips out before he realises he's actually said something to break the silence between them. Makoto's heartrate speeds up, and he's terrified of turning his head to the side to look at Byakuya. He doesn't know what to expect, so he's scared of what'll come next. Was he being too pushy? He recalls the last time as being absolutely mortifying as the response he got was just a—

"Thank you."

Makoto feels like he suddenly doesn't know how to breathe. He stares at the lamp hanging from the ceiling, lips drawn together in a tight, straight line. What a fool he'd been to expect something different — of course that's what Byakuya would say.

Maybe Byakuya doesn't actually love him.

 

*

 

Makoto stares down into his cup, mindlessly stirring the coffee with a spoon even though the sugar's dissolved a while ago. He's been on edge all day, ever since the night before when he'd accidentally said  _it_ again and once again received the same response he'd gotten the first time he said it.

" _Thank you._ "

He's confused, sad, angry and mostly just terrified that maybe Byakuya doesn't actually love him back. Maybe he doesn't feel as strongly for Makoto as Makoto feels for him, and that these past three years haven't meant as much to him as they did for Makoto.

Makoto feels like maybe it's just too easy for him to love, and that it might take a lot longer for Byakuya to realise such strong feelings. Well, that is if it's ever going to happen in the first place; Makoto isn't sure but he's trying his best to stay positive and believe that one day it'll happen.

After all, his one redeeming quality _is_  his optimism.

"Makoto."

He looks up, snapping out of his thoughts, and his eyes meet Kirigiri's concerned ones. "Sorry, did you say something?"

Kyouko sighs before emptying her cup. "You've been spacing out for a while. Is something wrong?"

They're sitting at a coffee shop in town, not too far away from where Makoto works. It's after work hours; Kyouko got off work early for once. Makoto thinks her firm is being a bit too strict on the rules, but at the same time — it's a private investigator firm, what was he  _supposed_ to expect? Of course they'd have strict rules they'd have to follow religiously. He just wishes they'd let her get off work earlier more often since they barely got to see each other nowadays because of her work schedule.

Makoto looks down again. "It's probably just really silly."

"Just say it. If it's bothering you, it's obviously not insignificant, hmm?"

Maybe it is, though. Maybe he's just overreacting, thinking too much about it. Maybe it takes Togami longer to realise, or maybe he's just reluctant to say it? Makoto sometimes feels like Togami loves him, at least. But the fact that he hasn't  _said_ it still bothers him to some extent.

"It's just... well, you know how I've told Byakuya I love him, right? It's just— it just bothers me how he never said it back, I guess."

Kyouko frowns. "Have you said it again since that last time when you went on a date?"

"Yeah", Makoto replies sheepishly. "Yesterday."

"Oh. What did he say in response?"

"He just said 'thank you', like last time."

There's a few seconds of silence between them, and Makoto chews on his lower lip. He wants to say something, but he doesn't know what, so instead he just shuts up so he won't say anything unnecessary. It's been a bad habit of his for a while, and maybe the whole "I love you" thing could be included in one of those unnecessary things, as it seemed almost unwelcome to Byakuya. Maybe he was being too pushy, after all.

"I think he does love you. Actually, no — I  _know_ he does. I've seen the way he looks at you, and the way he just softens whenever he talks to you. He's a completely different person around you, and thanks to you, as well. I don't know how you haven't noticed all of these things already, but there's no doubt about it."

"So why hasn't he said anything?" Makoto asks before finally taking a sip from his cup of coffee. It's definitely gotten considerably cooler now, almost to the point where it was cold. It was still good, though, so it wasn't like he couldn't drink it. He's never been picky with coffee in the first place, so it doesn't really matter to him as long as it's not actually gone cold.

Kyouko shrugs. "Well, he's never really been  _that_ soft of a person, you know that. You're pretty much solely responsible for his change. And it's a positive thing, don't worry. He's definitely changed for the better, and maybe it's just one of those things that takes time for him. I mean, he's... he's lost his entire family, much like us. Maybe he's just scared of losing someone close to him again? I'm just guessing."

There might be some truth behind Kyouko's guesses, Makoto thinks to himself. Byakuya's never spoken well of his family members, and Makoto knows very well the reason why; he'd never really been treated well by his family members in the first place. Byakuya had just been a pawn in their game of who were to succeed the family throne, and in the end when he did, he ended up alienating himself from his younger siblings. His father had never cared for him and his mother was pretty much the same.

Which is why it doesn't really make sense in Makoto's head that Byakuya would hold some kind of love for those family members after all they'd done and what he'd been through. But in the end, they  _had_ been family, and maybe despite all those things, Byakuya still loved them and held them dear. It doesn't make sense to Makoto, but maybe it doesn't have to.

"So what do you think I should do? I just feel like either I'm not good enough or he simply doesn't love me back. Either way it's eating me up inside and I feel like crap."

Kyouko takes Makoto's hand over the table, gently rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand. "You're more than good enough, Makoto. I know you've been patient all this time, not pressuring him or anything, and I commend you for it. Maybe you should just talk to him about it; just straight up ask him what's wrong. You deserve to know, and he kind of owes you some sort of explanation after all this time. Just talk to him."

"But _how_? I don't wanna pressure him more than I already have. I'm scared he'll get angry with me. What if he breaks—"

"He's not going to break up with you", Kyouko interrupts him. "Sure, it took him a while just to get used to the idea of you dating and just holding your hand in public, but you guys have gotten way past those things. I'm sure he's had plenty of time to get used to things with you, I just think he's scared of admitting it in case he were to lose you. I don't know much about him, but I'm pretty sure about this one. I owe you a thousand yen if I end up being wrong."

"So does that mean I owe you a thousand yen if you're right?" Makoto asks, and he can't help but smile. Kyouko smiles back at him. "I guess. Maybe it's wrong to bet on serious matters like these, though. It's just a figure of speech; I'm pretty sure I'm right but in the off-chance I'm not..."

She doesn't finish her sentence, but Makoto gets it anyway. He sighs and looks out the window, not really looking forward to the inevitable confrontation he's got on his schedule. This wasn't the way he'd planned for things to go between them, but on the other hand — he  _was_ getting kind of tired of the lack of response from Byakuya. So maybe this really did have to happen in order for them to move forward.

Or even backwards.

 

*

 

Makoto comes home to an empty apartment, but it doesn't take long for a text message to arrive in his phone explaining the reason why. Byakuya has to stay at the office until late and take care of some things that came up in the last minute. He doesn't seem happy, and Makoto isn't looking forward to having  _the_ conversation with an overworked boyfriend. He knows he's got to do it now or he'll just keep procrastinating it like he always does whenever there's a pending confrontation. He doesn't like them and he wishes he didn't have to be the one to initiate them since he usually just doesn't know how to handle them.

As soon as he sits down and becomes too aware of his solitude and the silence around him, he starts fidgeting. It's not like they're going to break up, so why is he so nervous? Well, there isn't really any way for him to know that for sure, as he has no idea how Byakuya's going to react. He has a pretty good idea, and if he's right, he's not going to like it and it's not going to end very well. 

He gives up on sitting on the sofa and instead starts pacing around the apartment. Makoto doesn't know what to do to calm himself down, and it's driving him crazy. He tries turning on the stereo in the living room to listen to music, but it doesn't help. Whatever he tries to distract himself with ends up just being a pointless effort at trying to occupy himself with something that doesn't involve in him running over to Byakuya's office and confronting him right then and there.

Not that he'd ever have the guts to do such a thing, but in this situation, just the mere thought of it was incredibly tempting.

His phone suddenly rings, and it makes him flinch as if someone popped a balloon in front of his face. He exhales a sigh of relief upon seeing the name on the screen, and he presses the green phone icon to answer the call.

"Komaru?"

" _Big brother! I feel like I haven't talked to you in ages. You're really bad with keeping in contact, you know._ "

He smiles apologetically to himself, as if it would somehow be projected to his younger sister through the phone despite it only being a regular voice call. "I'm sorry, and yes — I know. How's your day been?"

" _Pretty good. Still staying on top of the class, but it's difficult._ "

Makoto laughs. "I'm glad to hear that. Just hang in there, it'll pay off in the end, I promise."

" _I hope so. I want to come and visit you and Togami-kun one day. Can I come next weekend? Saturday?_ "

A knot forms in his stomach, and he swallows hard. "Yeah, sure — we'd love to have you come over. I think he misses you, although he probably won't admit to that."

This time, Komaru's the one to laugh. " _Yeah, I miss him, too. Even if he's mostly grumpy. I can't imagine what he would've been like during your years at Hope's_ Peak."

Makoto smiles a little at the memory of Byakuya when they attended the prestigious academy before the incident happened. He sure had been quite unreasonable, always thinking he was better than everyone else and thinking he was always right. As the "school life of mutual killing" began, his bubble burst pretty quickly and made him realise the error in his ways. Makoto was weirdly glad for the change, but wished it didn't have to happen under those circumstances.

"Well, he was... a bit special, I guess."

" _He still is, isn't he? Just maybe not in the same way he was back then. A different kind of special, at least to you, right?_ "

"Y-yeah", Makoto stutters, and he's so sure Komaru's going to notice how little he believes in his own words, but she thankfully doesn't say anything about it.

" _Oh, and tell Kirigiri-san to come as well! I hope she's not working then._ "

"I'll try and get her to come, but I can't—"

The door unlocks and swings open when he's in the middle of a sentence, and Makoto turns around to face Byakuya, who looks exhausted but surprisingly not angry as he had feared earlier. He waves at Byakuya, who only half-heartedly returns the gesture, and turns his attention back to his sister on the phone.

" _Did something happen?_ "

"Ah, Byakuya just got home, that's all. Like I said, I'll try to get her to come over on Saturday, but I can't make any promises — so don't get your hopes up."

" _Okay_." He can literally hear her pouting on the other side of the line, and he has to bite back a laugh. "I'll talk to you later, Komaru."

They hang up, and Makoto fights the urge to walk up to Byakuya and kiss him like he usually did when the other came home from work. Clenching his fist, he takes a shaky breath. "Welcome home", he says, but his voice sounds anything but welcoming in his ears.

"Thanks", Byakuya says through a sigh after taking his shoes off. "How was your day?"

Makoto shrugs, shifting his weight onto the other foot and then back again. "It was okay. Yours?"

"Could have been better." Byakuya walks into the hallway and stops in front of Makoto, kissing him on the forehead. "Are you okay? You look stiffer than usual."

He forces himself to snort at the comment. "It's... well, actually, can we talk?"

"Of course. Is something wrong?"

 _Maybe_. "I don't know. Can we at least sit down or something?"

They walk into the living room where they sit down on the couch. Makoto feels like they're sitting uncomfortably close for this kind of conversation, but he's too scared to move away. Byakuya already knows something's not right — he doesn't need the extra evidence proving Byakuya right.

He doesn't know how to properly prepare himself for the talk with a capital T, so he eventually just decides to wing it and follow his intuition. Unfortunately, he's too afraid to actually look Byakuya in the eyes, and ends up just staring down at the hands he's folded in his lap. "I've been wanting to talk to you about this for a while, but I didn't want to pressure you."

Tears are burning behind his eyelids, and he's squeezing his eyes shut to prevent them from falling. He doesn't want to show himself weak in this situation, even though Byakuya's seen him cry several times during their years together; as a classmate, colleague and eventually as his boyfriend. Makoto wishes there was just one time where he could at least pretend to be strong, even if his insides were crumbling apart.

"What are you—"

"I've been patient during these years, and I've never said anything about it even though it hurt when all I got as a response was 'thank you'. I don't ask for a lot, but this is one thing that's slowly driving me insane and I'm slowly starting to think that maybe you don't love me at all. And that's the reason as to why you can only say thank you and not say it back whenever I've said it before."

Makoto goes silent, and he's still terrified of looking up. Small crescent moons form in his palms as he's clenching his fists a little too hard, digging his nails into his skin, but it's the only effective way of keeping himself together at this point. He's scared of Byakuya's reaction, scared that this confrontation will bring their relationship to an end. He has no idea what Byakuya's thinking, and that's the worst part.

The silence doesn't help slow down his heartbeat, nor does it make breathing any easier for him. Since he can't see Byakuya's face, Makoto has no idea what he looks like and can't even try to guess what's going inside Byakuya's head during these painful seconds that feel like hours. He's tempted, but still too scared to look up, so he stubbornly keeps his eyes on his hands.

"I'm sorry", Byakuya finally says, and Makoto's heart drops as he fears this might just be it. "To tell you the truth, I've been scared this entire time. I'm becoming less and less scared every day, but it's a slow process that's only progressing thanks to you. I'm scared of loving because I have a history of losing people I love. I don't— I don't want to lose you, Makoto."

Makoto watches in slight perplexity as Byakuya places his hands over his. "I'm sorry. I didn't think about how it must feel for you. I know I've never said it back, but it was because I was scared. Not _of_ you, but of the thought that I might lose you one day. It could have happened as early as during our days at Hope's Peak, but we got lucky. Really lucky."

And they did, Makoto can only agree. He doesn't feel like he really had anything that should have kept him alive longer than it did his friends, and yet they had been the ones to fall victims to Monokuma's sick and twisted scheme. It was something that never stopped bothering him, sometimes it came to him as a reminder in the form of nightmares, making him wake up covered in sweat and sobbing.

He slowly looks up to meet Byakuya's gaze, and the expression in his boyfriend's eyes nearly breaks his heart. As soon as their eyes meet, Byakuya puts his arms around Makoto and pulls him in for a tight embrace. Makoto notices Byakuya's trembling ever so slightly, and it's so unlike him that it's startling. He had no idea of the battles Byakuya fought within himself, and now that he's being made aware, it worries him.

"Maybe the fact that we've stayed alive throughout all of this, survived the catastrophe that was Hope's Peak and come this far... maybe that's a sign. And I'm willing to take it as such, and embrace what we have now, and not fear of what might happen in the future."

Makoto feels bad for not even once considering what Byakuya must be going through. He'd tried to figure it out a few times before, but as he could never come to a conclusion, he just figured he didn't understand his boyfriend well enough. And it was true, as he's being proven now when Byakuya's talking, and he realises they still have a lot left to learn about each other.

Byakuya pulls back a bit and kisses Makoto, slowly and passionately. Finally, Makoto lets those tears fall that had been burning behind his eyelids from the very moment he started speaking. He feels like it's finally safe to let his guard down, to let it all out and bare his emotions, as Byakuya had pretty much done the same.

"I love you. I do, I really do, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

Makoto shakes his head. "I'm sorry, too. I should've known you probably had a reason for not saying it before. I mean, I've  _felt_ it, but the fact that you'd never said it out loud just made me think that maybe I was just thinking too highly of myself."

Byakuya shakes his head, smiling a little. "No, you weren't. I'm glad you at least felt what I feel for you. That must mean I'm getting better at showing emotions, huh."

"A little, maybe", Makoto says. He laughs a genuine laugh, and it feels good.

 

*

 

Byakuya lies down next to him again after having thrown the used condom in the bin next to their bed. He lifts Makoto's head and places it on his chest, and Makoto listens to his boyfriend's heartbeat, steadily beating beneath his ear in a soothing rhythm that's dangerously close to putting him to sleep.

They had made sure to take their time in making love, feeling each other with every inch of their bodies, almost constantly kissing and whispering out their love to each other in the darkness. It had been the best sex Makoto had experienced in a long time, and maybe it was just because of what they'd just been through and what they'd just talked about — maybe because they'd gotten even closer than they were before. Either way, Makoto's sure this was a night he wouldn't soon forget.

He stares up at the ceiling as Byakuya lazily runs his fingers through Makoto's hair, neither of them saying a word for a few minutes. For once, the silence isn't awkward or uncomfortable at all.

"I love you", Byakuya finally says after a while. Makoto smiles, even though he's aware that Byakuya can't see him.

"I know."

He takes Byakuya's hand in his and entangles their fingers, exhaling slowly. It had been a mentally taxing day, but it had all worked out in the end and it was all that mattered. They could finally put all of this behind them and move on, move forward, face the future together.

"I love you, too", he says, and it's the first time in a long while he can admit to being truly happy, feeling loved, accepted and safe.


End file.
